Back this February, I had a friend commit suicide, his name was (well it still is) Mark. Last week, he had been on my mind a lot lately so i asked UT if he could contact him so I could talk to him, even if it was just for a minute. Well UT was able to reach him and we had a very emotional conversation, which I saved on my computer. I also saved it to my ipod to keep with me as a personal reminder to myself.

The next day at work, kept feeling like I was being watched, and I kept hearing my name being called, but I would turn around and no one would be there. I also felt a pressure near my foot, that I couldn't explain. Near the end of day, I was consumed with this cold chill and then a calendar fell off the wall, taking several items with it. I had a hunch it may have been Mark, but I wasn't completely certain.

That evening, I go into chat and I ask Six if she could contact him to see if it was truly him or my imagination. She was able to make contact and my hunch was confirmed: it was Mark. He had been trying to get my attention by saying my name and poking me. He also admitted to accidentally knocking the calendar off the wall. He said that he enjoys my company and he is glad that I can hear him.

The next morning, I reading my IMs that my boyfriend had left me the night before. I can sense him standing over my shoulder, and I can hear him say, "So you really like this guy huh?"

Last night I was feeling rather beside myself last night and I could hear Mark screaming something, but I was as so emotional I couldn't understand him. Finally, after I had calmed down, I understood: "Don't do it! Don't make the same mistake I made! You CAN"T take it back!!"

It brings me happiness and peace to feel his presence near me. Our friendship had been somewhat strained before he died and if he sees me as a port in the storm, then I am happy to be that for him.

A friend is a friend for life, whether they are here or gone. He loves, and cares for you. I know Mark will be there to help you when ever he can...

Wow, Jen, thanks for sharing. And I remember saying that he would come back, that you just had to be patient. I have a friend named Matt who also died in Feb (of 2002) and have been contacted by him a lot. Its hard when someone commits suicide, on the human end just because you can't believe that someone you cared about would do something like that to themselves, and on the spiritual side, where you can't help but to worry that they crossed alright and will be able to come to terms with their decision. I call Matt my best friend on the otherside. He has taught me a great deal and caused me to have a new understanding of a lot of things.

Though I wonder why Mark would think that you would make that same choice. I don't want to pry into your business, I hope you don't think that. I just wonder why he would be so concerned.

I was very very upset last night and I think the could tell in what direction my thoughts were heading.

What a priceless gift, to still be able to have your friend with you, helping you. I've been there before, but I didn't have anyone to help. I'm glad you made the right choice. I've learned in life things get harder before they get better, but they do get better. Bad situations can make us better, stronger people as long as we let them. Be strong and have faith that things do get better!

What makes me truly sad is that our (Mark and I's) other friend, the one who found him, will most likely never believe me if I told him that Mark has contacted me.

They in time may come around, but you can't force it. It doesn't seem like something you can force. He was able to come to you because you are open to it. Take solice in the fact that at least you are still able to feel him and here him. Maybe in time you can find a way to let them know he is OK.

Yeah, Ryan (our friend) is sill very much shaken from the events that unfolded that Feb. day.

That's understandable. If you ever wanted to test the waters, you could always try having a hypathetical conversation about how he would feel if your friend contacted one of the two of you. It will def do you some good to talk things out either together or apart.

I will have to give this a try.