That's what I was getting at, CrystalCross, that it's a bad idea to just openly offer yourself like that. I've been able to rectify my mistake, and I agree that doing so makes a person extremely vulnerable. I didn't realize that at the time I 'offered'. I think a lot of people, when discovering their abilities, are tempted to make such a mistake because they're excited to see what they can do, anxious to have experiences, etc.
For me, it was akin to making a deal with the Devil. The cost to my phsyical well-being was monumental. I suffered chronic, debilitating fatigue - to the point where sometimes I felt I didn't even have the energy to draw breath. I developed an arrythmia (irregular heartbeat), bouts of vertigo, and was overwhelmed with all kinds of negative emotions. I lived every day under the full brunt of Murphy's Law and if anything could go south for me, it did in a very big way. I seriously considered suicide. Somehow, I finally became aware that I needed to close that invitation and as illogical as it would sound to most people outside this community, I just somehow knew that all of these seemingly unrelated issues were all tied to my having allowed unrestricted access to my energy. Once I asserted myself and took control, all the awfulness that had become the norm in my life began to reverse. I don't know how I finally realized what the problem was and how to change it, but I am deeply grateful for whomever or whatever got the message through to me.
